Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Charis

Today was a crazy day. We have a black-tie fundraiser next week and I'm just trying to hold all the balloons together right now, in my head of course. The problem is, the wind is blowing and the strings are getting tangled, my hands are getting slippery and the nylon strings are sliding. I'm just afraid that if I let a few go, they'll come down somewhere I can't find them...if you followed that horrible analogy then your world probably isn't spinning quite as fast as mine is. Relish it. I know its just for a season, and it is not burdening me to the point of exhaustion, its just a lot. It will be over in a week or so. God will bring the people to the event he wants there, its out of my hands.

Anyway...on to more pressing matters.

I was thinking about privilege and honor the other day. I'm just gonna kind of vomit this out tonight and not give much thought to format so buckle up. As you all well know, this is MY blog and therefore contains my thoughts and opinions. I emailed myself 3 times from my phone yesterday whilst driving because I was thinking about what I wanted to write about.

I am a worship leader. Most of you know that about me. It is more than simply playing and leading a band...this I have come to realize. I have recently just realized that leading worship is about leading people. It is about leading people into the presence of God. Not in a sense that God is not with us already, but more in a sense of bringing people into an environment where they allow themselves to experience God. This all happens of course, totally in spite of my human rottenness. I guess what I'm getting at is that I am only a vessel. I do not attribute any amount of God moving to anything I could ever do on a guitar. What an amazing privilege it is to lead His people into that connecting place. As I write this I pray that my words would not get in the way of my heart, which is to illuminate the majesty and awesomeness of God's design. I don't fancy myself an amazing musician, simply someone blessed with the ability to play. I don't want people to see me on Sunday mornings when we worship together. Some days I wish we played from behind a curtain so as not to distract from what God is doing. I want only to serve as the doorman for our people, to help open the doors of our hearts to experience the richness and fullness, and completeness that God offers us. Is this confusing? I feel like I'm stumbling over my thoughts...above all else, I have really begun to grasp this lately. What an honor and privilege that our God, whose biggness is without rival would choose my filthy hands and rotten heart to proclaim His name. What an honor that this is His greatest desire; that we would all, as dirty and undeserving as we all are, experience His glorious grace, that it would wipe us clean, and that we would proclaim it. Not proclaim it with our voices and hands alone, but most importantly, from our hearts and souls.

That's just it though. What does that proclamation look like? It looks like Matthew 22: 36-40. Love God:Love People. How do we proclaim it with our voices and hands? We love people, no matter who they are, where they are, what they are, or how they got where they are. There doesn't have to be a reason, other than this is what God would desire. How do we proclaim it from our souls? We live it out, fully. We must give up on ourselves and lean totally on God. We must not only hear, but listen. We have to let go of our selfish ideals and motives and trust that whatever God has for us is going to be better then anything we can manufacture on our own. We may still have to sweat and bleed to get it, but it will always be better. I believe that God desires to reveal His greatness through each of us, through each of our stories. How much more does His glory shine through us when we are at the end of ourselves, when we have nothing left in the tank and we're tired of the fight?

I think that when James wrote "I count it all joy" it was because he got it, he got this. When Paul said "I rejoice in my persecution" it was not because he genuinely enjoyed pain and discomfort, it was because he got it. We shouldn't resign ourselves to live in strife, "because that's where we need God most..." but we should rejoice in the fact that in those moments, God is most at work. It is in the moments that we need Him most when He is most lifted up.

If this seems trite and too cushy, or just too religious, all I can say is this; you havn't got it yet. You may be close, you may be searching, or you may be disinterested. But I do know that once you get it, it will turn your world upside down, sideways and backwards until you only know one thing, He is up, and He is all we need.

Grace truly is an amazing, amazing revelation.

God,
Your grace is beyond measure. I pray that we would discover it daily and that it would be implanted in our hearts. Please help me to not forget what an honor and a privilege it is to serve you. There is no higher calling. I pray for my friends who, this moment, are living fearlessly for you. I pray for the NuRu Team. Light their paths. I pray for those who long for you, but do not even know that it is you they are longing for. Your grace is amazing, thank you for it.

"Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out to you"

Peace

1 comment:

tsanders said...

I've always wanted to play behind the curtain. We should do it sometime. I am aware that there is a great chance that it would be awkward and fail miserably, but we should do it. Oh and bang up job on the rest of it. I feel so lucky to somewhat get it.