Friday, October 10, 2008

in between

Coming to you live from a hotel room in Sacramento tonight. It's 2 am, I can't sleep, the iPod is blasting in my ears and I can't seem to find a comfortable position. Jason and I are here for the week, working the Youth Specialties conference. It's been a good day. We set the booth up then had some time to kill so we went to In-N-Out and to the movies. The only thing playing was "Miracle at St.Anna" I guess I can recommend it, if you have 3 hours to spare and don't mind getting completely lost in a story. I won't say anything else in case you want to see it.

It has been over 10 days since I've written here and I have missed it. It has also been three Sunday's since I have played at church, and I have to confess here...I am missing it. There is a piece of me that is empty without it. It is how I connect most intimately with God. Some people connect through a sermon, some through reading, some through writing, praying or singing. My connection is through my guitar. And when I go several weeks without that I can tell. My soul begins to ache. My spirit longs for that intimacy. I am not spiritually dry by any means. I was thinking about the "wave" I was riding as we returned from those few days up in the mountains, (See the entry "unpacking" for context) and while I don't feel that I am still riding on top of wave, that fire is still burning.

There is something amazing about those "mountain top moments" and the spiritual highs we can sometimes get while we are up there. I think it can be equally as dangerous. It can be very easy to slip into a place where we begin to yearn for those moments and "feelings" that we experience. Those moments are powerful and often have the opportunity to shift the path of our lives. But I also know that if we allow those moments, they can become the only things that sustain our spirituality. The emotions and wholeness that I experience during a moment like the one a few weeks ago are awesome! But I cannot slip into living a life from one mountain top to the next. That is not the life that God desires for us. I do not believe it is God's will for his children to have the fire lit and be fulfilled momentarily, then struggle and fight through the day to day until the next emotional high. This seems confusing, maybe I am tired. I guess what I am trying to get at is this; those moments are awesome. The moments where God's glory is revealed in my heart and I am fulfilled in my purpose to live for Him are awesome. But I shouldn't struggle through life in search of the next great event, sermon, conference, concert or worship set. I would be childish and naive to think that those highs would last throughout every day, but it is the reality of realizing that in between those moments, the fire is still burning and He is still there. Personally it is in the in between moments that I must seek those around me to lean on and to help remind me of my fire. The passion for God is a contagious thing. When you are in a room full of 20,000 people bearing their whole soul and pouring out everything in a song to God it will move you to your knees. But that same passion remains in our hearts after the song ends. Sometimes it just might take a friend to help pick me up and remind me.

A couple of weeks ago I got two new tattoos. One on each wrist. Pretty bold no? I certainly wouldn't have put them there if I intended to hide them. They are in Greek. On the left wrist is the word pathos, which can be translated to passion. On the right wrist is the word charis, which is translated to grace. I chose these two words for very specific reasons. I chose grace because it is what gives God his utmost glory. That he would pick imperfect people to carry out His will in an imperfect world can only be explained by amazing, amazing grace. I chose passion because it is something that is instilled in each of us, but in most people may go unrealized. Passion is defined as an object of desire or deep interest, or as a deep and abiding commitment of the heart. Passion is something that is in every one of us. I believe that passion is put in our hearts by our creator. God has given each person a passion for something. It is probably safe to say that no one can tell you what you passion is. Only you know what moves your heart. It is also safe to say that it is in your passion that you will find the most fulfillment in life. The most content, joyful and fulfilled people I have ever met are people who have acknowledged their passion and have invested their lives in that thing. Those are the people that I strive to be like. I want my life to be consumed with my passion. I would beg you to search your heart, where is your passion. What is it, what does it look like? How can you grab hold of it and begin to live it out?

Reveal the passion in our hearts, the passion that you have placed within us. God I pray that we would be unashamed to run after that passion with all that we have. God thank you for "mountain top moments" and for the intimacy we can experience in them. Help us not to live from mountain top to mountain top and mire through the in between. I pray for all those who are in the in between right now God, that you would sustain our spirits throughout. You are awesome and your grace is amazing. Renew it daily in my heart.


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