Monday, October 26, 2009

More photos of Ella

Ella Grace

Here she is....beautiful and healthy.

Peace and love...

Saturday, October 17, 2009


"you don't have to be part of the problem, I just need a second chance" - Gavin at the moment...completely irrelevant to the text below

Why are children enamored with superheroes? We all were or maybe still are. I know when the new Batman came out last year I was awesome. What is it about the "hero" factor that gets us? It is the battle between good and evil, where, most of the time, good wins out? Is it the story of the underdog, the outcast, and the forgotten, who comes out on top? What is it.....

I submit that somewhere deep down we all want a hero. We all NEED a hero. We need something bigger than ourselves to gravitate towards. At the very least, when we are a part of a larger movement, we can often find places to hide when the blame pours down from above....

I think we as humans have this desire bestowed upon us before birth. The amazing/frustrating part is that it takes us so long to figure this principle out. We have this undying urge to be a part of something. A superhero to me represents this "thing" to a child. They are the good guys, they have special powers, they rescue people...everyone loves them. It’s natural that we'd chase after that. Isn't that what we all want somewhere down inside? We want to always be the good guy, we want to do things that other people can't, or at least better than everyone else, we want everyone to love us.

As children grow older they sometimes substitute other figures/ideals for their superheroes. There is still this NEED to be attached to some ideal or movement larger than us. For some its America, for some it’s a humanitarian cause, for some it’s an organization, and for others it’s a religion. From where I stand, I attribute this NEED to be my longing for intimacy with God. See, I feel like that is what is at the core of all of our desires, well, at least all our desires could be satisfied there.....but wow that's so hard to believe. So many times we don't realize that God has promised to provide for each and every one of our needs. Not, each and every, except those four....ALL! Again, I say, this is really hard to believe. But I think it is worth discussing because if we look in the mirror at all the things we have tried to replace intimacy with God with, the list is remarkable.

Perhaps it’s time we take a moment, take our pulse and see where our hearts are. Have we gotten caught up in the whirlwind of culture that has lead us to begin replacing our need for Him with short-term satisfaction in things that fade?

Are we trading long-term peace for momentary pleasure?

God, I need you, and we need you to remind us that we need you, and only you.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009


My mind is blank...or is it so crowded, moving at such great speed that the blur seems to be a undefined space?

I am blessed.

I am ready.

I am unsure.

I am restless.

I am content.

Sometimes there are words, but no melody.  Other times there is a beautiful melody but no words.

I spent most of the day investigating Fire-fighter school.  Not sure at all where that's going.  Talked to some people, read some stuff, though alot about it.  Probably won't turn into anything, but it might turn into everything. 

Just felt like I should write something here tonight for the sake of writing. It is healthy. 

I am ready for my Ella Grace to be here...I want to rock her.  People mock me for being excited and say that I have no idea and that "everything is over, it will all change...." Screw'um.  They don't know me.  I am not naive enough to belive that it will be the same after, but am not afraid of the change that will come.  It may not be culturally acceptable for fathers to show how much they love their kids anymore, but I refuse to participate in that BS.  Everyone will know how much I love my children, and my wife.  This is my mission.

Its blurry, but that was my BB camera. 37 weeks.

A closing word to those who are wrestling....from R.W. "When you die, you wont regret your unfulfilled dreams...just your unattempted ones."


Thank you for my family. Thank you for my Emmi, and my Ella.  Help me love them outloud to the world without being afraid of reprise.  You know my heart's desires.  I wait for you. 


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Higher than a kite

Literally...I am on an airplane somewhere between DFW and ELP.  Internet on airplanes is long overdue, and under-rated.  I love it.  It has been ages since I've had the courage to write on here, but I'm hoping that this will be the catalyst to writing new posts.

News case you weren't aware....I will be a new daddy in about three weeks!  Cannot wait to hold Ella Grace in my arms.  There will be many pictures posted.  It has been an incredible journey for the last 9 months...

I was thinking the other day, about different activities that I am involved in and things I do.  It occured to me a while back that I have a desire to be the best at something.  I want to be the best "something" that my friends know...I play golf a lot and I really enjoy it, but I am not the best golfer in my group.  I play raquetball with guys from work and rarely beat them.  I play music but I would hardly consider myself the best musician among people I know.  I graphically design things and see them come to life in various forms, but I am definitely not the best at this.  I don't know why I've been going over this in my head lately...but nonetheless I have.  I don't know if it is simply a human desire or something with some spiritual weight behind it, this striving to be the best.  I was driving the other day and going over all of this for about the millionth time in my head when I stopped and had a realization.

I will probably never be the best golfer, artist, musician, whatever....but I realized I have the opportunity to be the best at a few things.

I have the opportunity to be the best husband that Emily will ever have....
I have the opportunity to be the best father that Ella will ever have...
I have the opportunity to be the best sibling that my brother and sister have...
I have the opportunity to be the best oldest son that my parents have...

and the list could go on.  I think what I realized is that, as I have written about before, life is all about perspective.  We get the choice with every passing moment as to how we will look at our life.  Your perspective will dictate how you respond and react to your circumstances.   Narrow perspective leads to ultra-emotional, and sometimes irrational responses.  Broad, big picture perspective makes obstacles appear smaller, appear defeatable. 

I need to adjust my perspective daily to reflect God's big picture and realize that in my vapor of an existence I can be the best...I just have to choose to pursue it.